Having more free time is a bad thing. After getting dumped recently I got a lot of it. The bad part is when you are in love you start to think about it.What did you do wrong,is it something you said is it something you didn't say? Is it that comment that she looks beautiful to you even if she is at her worst ?Maybe it is because I was not too supportive of her .. no wait scratch that, If anything I was too supportive .How is it that this thing can end I love her. I fucking love her. I would die for her ... worse I would die without her.
Panic. What will I do? I have to make her see I love her and she will be happy with me. If only she would understand.
Then you hear a voice in the back of your mind. So distant and vague you cant understand it. Try to calm down and listen ,just listen. It is the reason talking. The heart is calm now and the reason talks and you listen .
-How would you feel if you were with someone you dont love? Would you stay with them just so they would be happy ?
-But i did everything for her, everything she asked I never argued with her how can she not love me ? I am good person!!!! says the heart.
And you feel even worse because you start to realize that someone you wanted to make happy wasn't happy with you and the reply you got " it isnt you it is me " hurts even more . Maybe she will get a new boyfriend and she will love him but he wont so when she is hurt she will come back to me and she will love me.
But the reason again gains a bit strength and the thoughts are more calm.
Hope for a new day. New love. Someone that will love me as much as I can love her. That is the thing a person needs to live for. The love I felt was real , strong and honest so all the best to her and may she find that what she wands because has shown me that I can love .That is what matter most. I didnt love her because she was rich or good looking , I loved her because she was a good person . I found her lovable.
But I am still alone and my free time is up thank god.
The Clown
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