Sleepless

It is funny how the hardest parts of the day are the morning and the evening. It is hardest when you are hurting inside. Cannot sleep without waking in the middle of the night not knowing why. Wandering, just wandering why is it like this. Do I still love her? Do I just fear the loneliness? I did find a new figure to love but what if she does not want to be loved by me? Will that hurt me more? She is a person you need to work for, to  show her you  are there  to  be with her but she has lost a bit  her sense  from the lonely year. Is she just  as frightened like me , or she just  think she is so unlovable that is less painful for her just to  be alone ? Do I have the strength to be with her? Do I have the endurance and stamina to brake through her emotional wall?

Is that something I need right now.

After I do fall asleep but just to wake in the morning with the same thoughts but they are now just more powered by some stupidly vivid dream that will be stuck in my mind for the rest of the day. Work does not do anything to distract it. I just need to work with it and just sigh, that is all I can do. Nothing more

Keep thinking about the Raven from Poe:

“And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore! “

“Nevermore “. Such a powerful word .How close it is now how very true for me .

I need to do that. Nevermore